And 9 was hard.
Harder than any number that came before it. Usually around midway, I start to think about how much longer I have to go, get tired and wonder why I ever signed up for this to begin with. Then I can feel the end in sight and I get a second wind and am compelled to run faster and faster and reach my goal, reach this new distance.
Today, midway I started to think about how much longer I had to go, got tired and wondered why I ever signed up for this to begin with. Then the end was insight, and I got more tired and wondered if I would reach it. Every step I felt more out of breath, more exhausted. This was my first time running with a partner who is definitely faster than me, and pushed to be faster and to dig deeper. I kind of held it together….until the end when I begged to stop at every traffic light whether it said don’t walk or not. Yes, I paused my garmin, so no, my time is not as awesome as it looks, but that doesn’t change how proud I felt when we reached 9 miles. Tears welled up in my eyes when I realized that even though today was the hardest by far, I pushed through. I didn’t give up, and I ran my little heart out.
I have never been a big talk and runner, but actually the great conversation with Nicole made the first four miles fly by. I am so happy and grateful that I have wonderful people to do my training runs with! I don’t know how I’d manage otherwise!
So I’ve kind of disappeared for a while. The truth is that in being sick and not working out for almost a week straight, I didn’t feel like myself. Maybe taking it easy is what my body needed, but it is not what my brain needed and I’ve been kind of stuck in self doubt land. I didn’t feel like being Debby Downer, so I just kind of kept to myself.
After the run this morning, I felt ridiculously happy. Like puking rainbows and sunshine kind of happy. Teaching at job #1 went fantastic and I was on cloud 9. I felt like myself, I felt happy to be alive. Then I went to job #2 of the day where I was for the 100th time this school year berated by yet an other parent, and I feel as though I am almost back to square one. It has been a hard few months with work, and I know I need to develop a thicker skin and not let things get to me and have confidence in my abilities, but the truth is I am not a super confident person in any aspect of life. I am very easily swayed in my self views by the feedback I get from others. It’s something I’m working on, but it’s not easy and certainly doesn’t happen overnight.
I have a LOT of students, and a strong personality. Most of my students/parents are appreciative and love what I do, but of course they are less vocal. No one calls your boss to say “Ari is such a wonderful teacher! Thank you for hiring her to teach my kid!” Really parents, you should do that because the ones with the smallest problem have no problem calling and giving a piece of their minds. So mostly, we only hear the bad stuff. I wish it was different, and I wish I was less affected by it, but only one of those are in my control and hopefully I will be able to say that I let it roll off my back.
I had high hopes for this post being super upbeat and focused on how amazing I felt after my run and how I was 100% back to being happy cheery ole me. In the end, I’d rather it be 100% honest.
But I will leave you with this tid bit of happy exciting news. I skinnified a copy cat recipe of the Starbucks cranberry bliss bars yesterday and it turned out seriously delicious, so I will be posting this weekend! And I have a fun race tomorrow with fun friends, so all will be good.